Once upon a time... three years ago...

Once upon a time....we lived in Ontario.

We didn't have a dog, nor a toddler.

In fact, we didn't really even have a front or back yard. We didn't renovate our house (just a few little organizational projects).

It was just the two of us.

We spent a lot of time together, and spent a lot of time with our families.

Needless to say, life has changed a bit since then - those glorious days of sleeping in, brunch at Symposium, hugging our friends and relatives on a regular basis are no more.

3 years ago today, I married my best friend on our 5th anniversary of being together. It was an amazing day. I don't think either of us ever felt so supported or surrounded with such positive energy.

That being said, reviewing our wedding photos, we've lost some of our family and friends since then, through death, moving, and much other life events that have happened. I miss them dearly; and some of the photos made me cry a little.

Lately, life has been busy - and its been tough to make time for each other in light of all of the things that furry creature, and rapidly growing toddler need. But in thinking of where we are now, I have to think back to where we came from, those two people.

On the day of our wedding rehearsal, I received a phone call while I was literally standing at Camp Kawartha that would start the process to change our life in a direction we couldn't have anticipated. I was so excited that I was even being considered for a position in Alberta.

My partner in crime, D, to his credit, when I gave him all the details later, was remarkably cool and calm (one of his best features in my opinion, he's my rock). In the space of a month, we decided for our new little family, moving West was what we would do. We did not take this lightly.

We knew we would be 3,500 km away from all whom we hold dear. We knew that when we had issues or emergencies, we would only have each other to rely on.  We knew this would alter our relationships with families and friends, and that sadly, we would even lose some of those relationships because of our move. I think it speaks our families' character, and our own desire to start our own family that we took that plunge.

Maybe I don't say it enough, but I'm so proud to have D as my husband, partner, and best friend. I'm also now very proud to be a mom to J, who looks just like him.

Daddy Goes Boom....

We try and be as safe as possible, but lately we've been having a hard time. This might be the sleep deprivation kicking in, or us just being clumsy.

Recently, I fell down the stairs with J in tow, and had a total meltdown. I'm not sure how I fell, just one of those things, and I was terrified I hurt J. Since I was home alone, I called everyone I could think of (no one answered), and then called the Public Health Nurse who suggested that he sounded fine but I should go to the hospital just in case. I did, we were all fine, although I did have a killer bruise from it that showed up later. It was one of those moments where I thought my mommyhood should be revoked.

Fast forward --- we noticed the bathroom fan in the new bathroom was leaking on to our newly laid floor. We were concerned perhaps the roof was leaking or such, so Daddy bravely got his ladder and climbed up to release the attic hatch. A few seconds later from in the kitchen I heard "bleeeeeeeeeeeechhhh Aaaaaugh! Pfftt pfffffffffffffttt pfffffffttt! $%^& $($&^% @*@&!!!!" Turns out some of the blow-in insulation had covered the DIY hatch and he got a face and shirtful. After getting up on the ladder again, he realized the problem was there was no insulation over/around the bathroom fan so a little condensation was getting through a small nick in the vapour barrier. He went to get a little insulation to fix the problem.

In the meantime, I decided to vacuum up the insulation that had fallen to try and minimize how much of it was being tracked around the house. I may have nudged the ladder slightly. Daddy returned and went right up the ladder, and BOOM!.... Daddy fell.

The good news of the story is he didn't get hurt (although a few bruises and wasn't very happy). We looked closer at the wall where the ladder hit...

...after an even closer inspection, it was official.

The ladder broke the outlet and the central vac plug. The outlet, we knew we had the parts for and could fix (and need to fix right away as it's part of the circuit for J's room). The central vac we were hoping to find parts locally but did not have any luck last time we looked.

We got to the local store with about 3 minutes to spare until closing time, and thankfully they (for once) had the right parts for us. Thank goodness!!

And yes, we'll try and be more careful.

Skipping through the seasons

So this morning, an eerie site I'm not ready for yet appeared.....

Ack... the white stuff (frost) is starting to invade. This is hardly surprising given our yellow leaves, fall only lasts a few weeks in the lovely Foothills of Alberta. I miss the red, oranges and yellows of Ontario every year at this time.

 

It also means it's time to get out our scrapers (or allow more time in the mornings to defrost) our cars. 

In other news, we have been going for a family walk almost every day. It's been nice to watch Milton do his happy trot, Jonas zzz in his stroller pushed by D.... We're making money doing it too. We frequently find bottles and cans littering the trails, and picking them up we make 0.20-0.50 a walk... talk about a good reason to exercise. It's not a lot, but it sure adds up!

The hilarity of the week that makes Jonas giggle and is putting his pants on his head while you change him. So I leave you with this... it's gotta make you smile.

I am so unbelievably and completely pissed off right now, my jaw is hurting from clenching it.

After the piss off of being booted from the job I was working, it was requested that I send her a bill to square up for previous work. After more than a week of waiting I finally get a response. Not for the $13,000 I'd billed her for, a check for $1787.07.

I'm no math wiz but something doesn't add up. Apparently she feels she's not obligated to pay much of anything.

I feel like screaming.

Well we finally made it up to Holly's cottage this past long weekend. I was skeptical about how much fun we'd have since I've grown pretty pessimistic about cottages in general. But it turned out to be a fun weekend.

Got up there late Friday night, and didn't get to sleep till about 1am, and was promptly woken up at 5:45am for the golfing trip. Apparently Holly's uncle is fond of a 6:30am tee time. Me not so much, but once we got out and the sun came up, it was alot of fun. I shot 103 too, which considering I hadn't played a round in over a year isn't too bad.

Sat on the beach in the afternoon when I got back from golf and managed to sunburn my face, and the top of my knees.

I enjoy swimming, but Holly doesn't understand why I dislike the beach. Sand, and sunburns just aren't things I'm a big fan of, not to mention the fact when I did summer swimming when I was a kid, it was jumping off the dock into deep water.

I enjoyed it when I was a kid and there was no work involved, but I think as I got older and it became chores, and maintenance, and work to do. It ceased being fun, and became a second job to have a cottage.

I'll have to post again with more of my thoughts as this has gotten pretty long.

What a week. Worthy of a country music song I suppose. Monday I was basically fired from the job I was working. Thursday the Canada Revenue Agency decided to harrass me about paying my taxes, even though I'm quite broke. Then yesterday my dog died.

She'd been part of my life since I was 7, for almost 17 years she's lived in this house with my family, and up until this weekend she was pretty much fine for someone of 112 in dog years. Sure she was getting a little grumpy, but she was old. I get to 112 and I sure as hell wont still be walking around. But Saturday morning she laid down and didn't move under her own power again.

She got the big needle in the afternoon on Saturday. She's gone. Going to miss her.

Is it bad/wrong that I wish my parents would just get divorced and get it over with?

I'm so tired.

I've been working for essentially no gain to me for over 4 months. I've had to borrow money to keep working. Its still not done yet either. I jsut want it over and done with so I can do something, anything, else.

The worst part is it seems I've learned nothing. 3 years ago I was working way too hard for way too little, and here I am again. The same situation.

Makes me think maybe its time to change my path and do something else. Problem is I'm no good at anything else, and don't enjoy anything else. So what do I do?

A couple quotes for today....

"History will be kind to me... for I intend to write it" - Winston Churchill

"its better to burn out... than to fade away" - Niel Young

Well I've come to the conclusion that while the law may consider Air Conditioning a luxury, its a necessity in todays air pollution and humidity.

Our's is broken and with this recent heat wave my sleep, and health have taken a huge hit. I won't go into details, but the system is a little screwed up right now.

Last night was brutal, it was just ridiculously hot, the thermostat in the house was off the scale. During the day the thermometer outside hit 39 celcius (100 F). By the time I fell asleep I think it was 3:30 am, I slept for about 3 hours then my dog woke me up.

That was it. I layed there a little while longer, but no more sleep.

But don't worry my Dad is getting his $65,000 truck repaired for the fifty billionth time, instead of fixing the A/C. He's spent as much fixing the 3 year old lemon as I'd need to buy a used one.

Spent the day with the lovely lady who also posts here, but me being the less than smart guy I am, we hung out at my place.... yeah the one without A/C.... duh

I'm totally unmotivated to work at the moment. My life got a kick in the crotch just about 3 years ago now when my shoulder finally got so bad I had to stop working for my former boss.

Right now its bugging me alot again, keeps me up and night, and waking up unable to feel your hand for about 10 mins is pretty disconcerting. So I guess its self preservation that keeps me from working all out, but there are other reasons.

For example I called the mill that I placed a custom order of hardwood wtih to find out whether my order was done. I was originally told 3 weeks, its now almost 7 and I'm being told at least another week. The french doors that I ordered over a month ago finally arrived last monday, and I got to them on Friday of this weekend to start staining, managed to get them about 3/4 the way ready to install when I realized that the labelled size was incorrect and the one set of doors had to go back cause they were too small.

The other set is looking pretty nice, but they're not entirely complete yet either.

I did get some personal vindication about the overall job. The complaints about things not being done, and certain things taking to long seem unfounded to me at the moment, since after carefully looking over my original estimate about 80% of the stuff on that list is done, and things that aren't done were delayed by electrical needing done, and the furnace being installed. Most of the stuff from the original estimate was done months ago, and was only supposed to account for about 5 months. Right now I'm at 8 months and counting.

I've done in inordinate amount of work for free, at my expense, since I've been paying my Dad throughout as I needed his help. I personally have made almost nothing on a nearly $50,000 renovation.

I asked someone this question the other day and I'll ask it here.

Have you ever worked for 4 months for free?

In relation to Holly's post below...

Have you ever felt complete and total heart stopping panic? The type where thoughts of the destruction of 8 months of painstaking work pass through your skull?

Then... No, its fine, it was the garage of a house up the street. Talk about relief.

Not many worse feelings than the 5 minutes it took to get in the truck and head up towards the house though.

Do you ever feel sometimes like maybe you're not as good at what you do as you thought you were? I certainly am feeling that way now. You know, like maybe I can't be sucessful at this? Perhaps I'm just not good enough at predicting costs to make any money doing it?

Part of the thing that frustrates me the most is people don't blink an eye at paying some painter $2500 for less than a weeks worth of work, yet when it comes to actual structural improvements instead of cosmetic crap people get all uppity and think its too expensive? Ok so let the house collapse on itself... Fuck....

I'm losing my motivation.

Its hard to want to work when you're almost working for free. Mostly its my own fault too, lack of foresight, or mistakes of judgement, which is what pisses me off the most. I didn't explain to her I guess, that when I give someone an invoice for extra work its not really something that can be done in a payment plan, its money I've already spent to cover things that had to be done so I generally need it right away.

I've done so many extra things just because I'm there and I don't do shitty work that she probably doesn't even notice or realise. Hasn't said anything in regards to whether she even likes it or not.

Oh well, I think I've done a great job, for all thats worth.

Well another week is done, at least for me anyway, going to take tomorrow of, maybe do some paperwork, write up an invoice for my client and leave it for her tomorrow night or Sunday. She owes me money again anyway. This would just be extra.

I felt like crap for most of the week, not sure if I've been getting sick, or if my allergies were kicking my ass, either way I hate feeling like this, sore, tired, and no energy, makes for a long week.

Will do it all again starting on Sunday.

I guess sometimes you need to take a break. I'm tired of working. Its especially frustrating when you don't get much response as to whether your work is like or disliked. I'm back at it tomorrow, in theory anyway. We'll see how it goes...

Spent a lovely Saturday with the other person who posts here, my beautiful, loving g/f. Not sure if I'm stagnating, but I enjoy sitting and watching a movie while relaxing with her. I suppose going out and partying is an option but it wasn't really my style back in the day, its really not now. Might just have to mix it up though.

More work to come.... wooo wooo, or something.

Lack of Change

I haven't changed one damn bit. I spent an entire year unable to work because my shoulder was so screwed up I could barely use my arm, yet here I am repeating the same mistakes that caused that.
Leading up to that year I'd spent 2 years in College, then another full year working, working for less money than I should have been, and working stupid hours. 60 hours a week, or more depending on the circumstances.

Then last night.... I broke a personal record. I worked a 20 hour day. I started at 7am and didn't get home until 3am. My longest workday previous was probably about 16 hours. In other words I worked in one day what normal people call 2 and a half days.

Whether I can break myself of this habit is becoming troubling. The same problems are beginning to creep in. The shoulder which according to my Dr. was not worth the effort and time of surgery for, is now beginning to wear down once again.

Only time will tell.